We are HERE , 30 !
But first , lets reflect ...
It took for me to say "Goodbye" to Learn the Importance of saying "Hello". As teenagers we all long for the day when we turn 21! Telling the world we're grown , going to clubs and buying alcohol. To Us , that's what being and 'adult" was. At the age of 20 I had given birth to my daughter 2 months shy of my 21st birthday. What it meant to be a 21 year old served a completely different meaning than what i initially thought but Ultimately change my life for the better.
As I look back on the trials and tribulations on what my "Twenties" consisted of, I am Proud to be 30 and Thriving.
Truth be told our 'Twenties' is for figuring it out. Using our childhood upbringing to guide us through a world of corruption and bliss while trying to determine which is which. While being so young but apparently grown enough to think we know it all , we actually have the audacity to think we are suppose to have it all together. College Degree, Dream House , Dream Car, Dream Career, Perfect Relationship ... yea I was about 25 when I woke up from that "Dream" .
But Hey , lets give "The Twenties" some credit right ?
I've birthed an amazing , talented , and witty little girl, I found the Love of my life and which came with a bonus new love , my bonus son,and I became an entrepreneur . Throughout all these new journeys , I subsequently found peaces of me. It became easier for me to notice the things that actually make me happy and things that makes me smile ! I also became more aware of the importance of patience, trust and confidence. My upbringing and past experiences made these three things so hard to achieve and i can honestly say i haven't mastered those qualities . But hey , we get better everyday right ? I'm still a work in progress.
Today , Pandemic and all , I am Full. I have everything I need to be successful in every way .My twenties provided me with the wisdom I needed to exceed and execute this next decade. To live a life where you are clear and certain about what it is you actually want and to watch it all unfold right before your eyes is the purest form of bliss.
Every Since I turned 30 ,
My smile has been bigger, I laugh a lot more and harder . I feel so aware and sexy !! Ill be the first to tell you , after i had my daughter I lost confidence in my sex appeal. I was dealing with body insecurities, just like the rest of you, for a very long time. Sometimes it affected my self confidence and my relationship. I've never felt as sexy as I do now and its not just the physical. Sex and sexuality is just as much a mental and emotional journey as it is physical. When your mindset changes about yourself, the body follows. Of course my body is constantly changing . Now, I've come to the realization that a constant workout is needed, which I'm still trying to incorporate into my hectic schedule. Not necessarily for weight lost but to kept my limbs from aching. Bending over to pick things up, sex positions and daily movements have completely changed. So yea, my knees, neck and back may hurt like hell , I still love it here !
Although I have more lessons to come , I say Thank you to the ones I've learned . I've said Good Bye to all my doubts and Hello to all my new adventures, connections , and opportunities. I spent a decade building a strong foundation , sort of like a blueprint for my life and now this next decade is dedicated to execution.
To my young queens right now in their "twenties" . Calm down sis ! Trust yourself and the process. Everything is going according to the divine plan, the universe is just waiting for you to ask!
LIFT YOUR SPIRIT !!
Drink : Strawberry Mojito "My Birthday Drink"
Often times we loose sight of whats really important to us. We would like to believe that everyday is bliss and life's obstacles are non existent. However, every now and then the universe reminds us yet again, "I got you" and gives us the beauty of ,"The Harvest Moon"!
The Spiritual World is a world of my own, I abide by the frequencies of my heart and flow with wherever it leads me. Just like many of you , I consider myself a "Moon Goddess". I always find myself in high spirits days leading up to a full moon and when the special ones arrive, I feel whole , renewed, ...Thankful.
This time around I needed to take action. I have so much I've been asking the universe for that I forgot to say "Thank You" for what I have, What we've created together. I'm so thankful for my mind, my heart, and my intuition which ultimately led me to be an entrepreneur, a creator, ... a healer.
Tonight, September 13, 2019 "Harvest Moon"
When my mind was clear and my heart , open. I gathered herbs , I mixed oils, and I burned sage and other things (some things had to go, OK !! )
First I nourished my body :
I seasoned and grilled a variety mix of veggies and pineapples.
-->If you haven't tried grilled pineapples you are Lost (see recipe below) <--
And yes, grilled BBQ chicken along side my sisters infamous Pasta Salad was definitely on my plate as well. !!Balance !!
I drank 3 bottles of Spring Water to hydrate myself for the upcoming hot steamy herbal bath I had prepared.
Said my thanks and marched upstairs to the release I had waiting for me.
Herbal Bath Soak Cleanse
I mixed a bath soak with ;
Goat Milk Powder, Epsom salt , Pink Himalayan Salt , Red Hawaiian Sea Salt, Dried Eucalyptus Leaves , Dried Rose Buds, Dried Hibiscus Flowers, Fresh Sage Leaves, Dried Sage leaves, Whole Allspice, Ground Cloves, Fresh Rosemary Leaves , Dried Spearmint Leaves , Frankincense Essential Oil, Peppermint Oil , & Sweet Orange Oil. (See Photo Below)
I filled my tub with warm water as I begin to light my candles and think of everything I wanted to let go and the things I wanted to come into my life!
As the tub began to fill, I sprinkled my Herbal Bath Soak Blend into the water.
Once filled, I added my pre-mixed Oshun (see recipe below) Water to my steaming hot bath .
I turned on my playlist of healing sound bowl music and began to undress. As I undressed, I made sure to look at ME, my face, my eyes, my body ,my breast my thighs and I smiled. No, not because I looked Amazing, but because I'm proud. After years of not accepting who I am or what I thought my flaws actually were, I smiled because I Am Happy With Me!
The vibrations of the Sound bowls begin to rise louder and I could feel the vibration in my heart,...in my body. I stepped into the water , and the heat travels up my legs , into my stomach and reaches my face. I step all the way in and I lay back. An immediate relief has taken over me, I am relaxed!
I reminded myself that I am worthy of all things. I reminded myself to trust me , I am right. I reminded myself that I am confident, I am strong , I AM all things beautiful. "You Got This", I repeated to myself . Sometimes anxiety gets the best of me and I forget who I am.
After 20 mins of soaking , meditating and chanting, it was time to Scrub.
Goddess Body Scrub:
Pure Cane Sugar
Melted Shea Butter
Frankincense Essential Oil
I scrubbed my entire body from neck to toe. The Exfoliating Body Scrub Blend left me feeling refreshed and soft. The Glow it gave my body made me feel like I was a Goddess emerging from another realm.
I rinsed my body , letting the herbs stick to me. I felt so good, physically and mentally.
I stepped out the tub , dried off and wrapped myself in my robe. It was time for my second Ritual !
I walk into my home office and glance over at the Alter I've created. Being a business owner has its perks but it can be a pain financially sometimes, well... most times! But, its time for a change.
I previously pre- made a Money Powder (see recipe below) and a money oil . I placed 3 coin, 3 cinnamon sticks , white and brown sugar in the bottom of a flower pot. I added the money powder and soil, planted an aloe leaf plant and watered it with Holy Water.
According to "Seven African Powers The Orishas" by Monique Joiner Siedlak, this practice will bring success, clients, and prosperity.
I proceeded to pour the Money Oil (see recipe below) along with shredded pieces of a saged one dollar bill into a green Money Candle , Lit it and said my conjuring spell.
After more meditating , I partied ways with my doubts and accepted my blessings to come.
Happy Harvest Moon Goddess !
Grilled Pineapples :
1/2 teaspoon Nutmeg
1 ounce Florida water
1 ounce Rose Water
1 ounce River Water
Having a support group motivates you to be the best YOU , you can be. However ; the wrong support can be detrimental to your goals such as you career , your business , your personal life and ultimately ... you personal peace.
Since the Beginning of time women have been raising families and leading armies. Providing comfort, strength, knowledge , and wealth. Today not much has changed only now, we have advanced our abilities of producing strong minds, families, businesses, tribes and sisterhoods.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to find your place in a group of women to help you find your way. In a world full of competition and greed, Collaboration is key !
According to Forbes there are 2.4 million African American women-Owned business as of last year 2018, most owned by women ages 35 to 54. Black Women are the only racial or ethnic groups with more business ownership than their male peers, according to the Federal Reserve. Sis, We are killing it!. We will continue to dominate if we learn to work together . Not to mention the effect a successful tribe of women would have on our Brothas. Lets fave it , Our Brothas need Tribes too !
Outside of Business. Having a tribe in your personal life is just as important if not more. Its no secret mental health such as depression is alive and kicking. Every woman doesn't come from a family of strength or success, therefore: making it harder to deal with life obstacles. Having a tribe to pull you out of your comfort zone, to challenge you, can make all of the deference and save your life! We all need people in our corner telling and reminding us that we are worthy.
Have you said or heard someone say to another woman , " You have altered my menstrual cycle." IT HAPPENS! When women spend a significant amount of time around each other, their menstrual cycle becomes in sync! Although it has not been scientifically proven, a lot of women can attest ( Including myself ) that menstrual syncing is a real life thing . This is because as women ( one of the most powerful source of energy ) our estrogen levels balances out with the other estrogen energies around us causing out reproductive systems to coincide. Not to mention , our menstrual cycles are one in the same with the moon phases, but that's a topic for another day.
Just like anything else in our life, all energies are not good energies. Same rules apply when finding your Tribe. As much as i would like it to be , the world we live in is not always moon dancing and Kumbaya. There are some sisters who are not your tribal sisters. An ideal Sis, is one who has elevated her mindset to stand firm in who she is and is able to encourage her fellow sister to do the same. Unfortunately , we still have women who can not stand to see other women grow and get ahead. Those women cannot do anything for you but disturb your peace. Be selective of who you choose to give your love, support and energy to, whereas some people can suck the life out of you .
Building a Tribe, a sisterhood has endless possibilities of Greatness. As women we posses so much power alone , but together we are Force that cant be moved , Sis !!
Why is that we, well most of us, go through Life missing opportunities simply because of the judgement of other people ? Of course we'd like to believe that we don't care what other people think and that their opinions don't matter, but it does...doesn't it ?
I'd like to think we become aware of judgment and insecurities roughly around the age of 13/ 14 years old . High-school years !!
It is here that we are told that we are not as dope as we once believed we were. For me , this was when i was realized people just didn't like me . At first I was confused which lead to anger and then seclusion. I stayed to myself a lot in high-school , which didn't help because somehow i still found myself a victim of the "mean-girl" crew . I'll be the first to say i was relieved when i graduated . i planned to never look back and i did just that.
But what if i or girls like me had someone to tell them that those "mean-girls" saw your magic way before you did??
Even now, at 28 years old , i still find myself being a loner because the term "friend" apparently has several meanings. The difference now is, im ok with being the outcast .
As women , we are associated with being messy, catty or just damn mean , and to be honest we are!! I have no idea why or how we posses so much "shade" ,even towards the people we love dearly. However i do know that once you realize who the fuck YOU ARE , others will too.!
Once you embrace your insecurities, "turning your scars into beauty marks"~ Ciara, Red Table Talk , The negative opinions of others no longer matters or exist in your world. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. It is your job to set the tone on what you will and will not allow.
For anybody who needs to hear this;
Sis, your are the shit! You posses every ounce of power to create the life you desire. You are smart enough to make the necessary decisions that makes your soul sing and your heart smile.
You Are Magic, Own That Shit !
Whew , I have had a journey with my hair. I'm one of those who always looks for ways to change my look. I get bored with things rather quickly and sometimes change is good , right ?
I stand in the mirror with a two month old sew-in and a pair of scissors. I was already frustrated because i knew what the future was holding. in the next 30 minutes i would have to figure out what to do with my hair. i proceed to cut the 26 inches of Brazilian wavy thread by thread , Snip ! and there goes a big chunk of my hair. "What the hell did i just do " I thought as i continued to finish the process. Finally , the Weave is out , my braids are out and there, right there in the middle of my head is a chunk of hair 4-5 inches shorter that the rest of my hair. Now , as a person who believes in timing and signs, i strongly felt it was time , time to cut the dead weight. I begin reflecting on my life up until that point. 23 years of complete drama , pain , hurt, betrayal , look my life growing up was a mess. Of course it wasn't all bad , but i was stuck on the things that made me who i was at the time , MEAN.
Snip, Snip , Snip ... tears filled my eyes as i cut away the only hair i knew, the chemically processed, the colored, the handful of gel I would use to create a sleek pony tail, was gone.!!
I had a baby afro , straight TWA ( teeny weeny afro)! Odly for some strange reason, I expected to feel better . I expected a new world to be before me ... I expected instant happiness.
"mom , i just cut my hair off, can you start my locs today please " .
headed to my mothers so many things were going on in my head . i had never had hair this short. I had never felt so ugly in my life. But i had to find beauty in this decision. I had to embrace it.
Once my starter locs were installed i felt a little better , but not "the better" i was looking for. Not "the better"' my soul was crying for. But, here i was on a loc journey and on a journey to find my happiness.
5 YEARS LOC'D
A lot had happened over the course of 5 years.
I went to esthetic school, became a licensed esthetician , and started a business.
After i got use to the starter locs. i embraced the hell out of them . i was in love. locs are commonly known to represent patience & commitment. When i say those were exactly the lessons i needed to learn and master. Patience was a quality i definitely did not posses. Commitment, well in my relationship that wasn't in issue for me. but personally it was ! I lacked commitment in life decisions which is why i was so unhappy circa 2012 and i didn't understand why until this journey. i learned so much about myself. I've accepted so many things about myself and i became in love, not just with my hair but with me . Trust me , nothing about this journey was easy . I still went through a lot . I still experienced a lot of hurt , a lot of self doubt.
"Your Crown is your antennas ...they connect to the spiritual realm as well as great receptors of receiving energy and intuition because it is the ever growing extension of your central nervous system." - unknown
Although i loved my locs, it was time for a change. With starting a business and the changes my family endure and was going through, i needed a change. A breath of fresh air. i felt all of my anxieties and insecurities were trapped inside my locs . I had learned my lessons, I was at an all time high off of self -love and appreciation. I felt great !! But when it came to my hair, It was Time. We ( my locs and i) had our fun ya know, we experimented with color, blonde, honey blonde, purple, turquoise, fuchsia, black, green ( that was an accident, smh) , autumn , and red. My locs introduced me to my sensual self. i felt so sexy . I loved the way my man grabbed them and ran his fingers through them. I felt connected to the Universe ... i was connected to ME. But still, they had to go .
i spent 1 month combing out my locs. i didn't want to cut them because i didn't feel like i needed that lesson again. I wanted to exercise the quality of commitment . i was committed to combing them out , and that was a journey within itself.
I am loc free and natural af!! i love my hair in its natural state. I had never worn my natural hair. i grew up on perms and hot combs. i never had a chance to embrace my curls, my fro, MY HAIR!
I am confident , I am secure, I am HAPPY and so is MY HAIR!