Having a support group motivates you to be the best YOU , you can be. However ; the wrong support can be detrimental to your goals such as you career , your business , your personal life and ultimately ... you personal peace.
Since the Beginning of time women have been raising families and leading armies. Providing comfort, strength, knowledge , and wealth. Today not much has changed only now, we have advanced our abilities of producing strong minds, families, businesses, tribes and sisterhoods.
I cannot stress enough how important it is to find your place in a group of women to help you find your way. In a world full of competition and greed, Collaboration is key !
According to Forbes there are 2.4 million African American women-Owned business as of last year 2018, most owned by women ages 35 to 54. Black Women are the only racial or ethnic groups with more business ownership than their male peers, according to the Federal Reserve. Sis, We are killing it!. We will continue to dominate if we learn to work together . Not to mention the effect a successful tribe of women would have on our Brothas. Lets fave it , Our Brothas need Tribes too !
Outside of Business. Having a tribe in your personal life is just as important if not more. Its no secret mental health such as depression is alive and kicking. Every woman doesn't come from a family of strength or success, therefore: making it harder to deal with life obstacles. Having a tribe to pull you out of your comfort zone, to challenge you, can make all of the deference and save your life! We all need people in our corner telling and reminding us that we are worthy.
Have you said or heard someone say to another woman , " You have altered my menstrual cycle." IT HAPPENS! When women spend a significant amount of time around each other, their menstrual cycle becomes in sync! Although it has not been scientifically proven, a lot of women can attest ( Including myself ) that menstrual syncing is a real life thing . This is because as women ( one of the most powerful source of energy ) our estrogen levels balances out with the other estrogen energies around us causing out reproductive systems to coincide. Not to mention , our menstrual cycles are one in the same with the moon phases, but that's a topic for another day.
Just like anything else in our life, all energies are not good energies. Same rules apply when finding your Tribe. As much as i would like it to be , the world we live in is not always moon dancing and Kumbaya. There are some sisters who are not your tribal sisters. An ideal Sis, is one who has elevated her mindset to stand firm in who she is and is able to encourage her fellow sister to do the same. Unfortunately , we still have women who can not stand to see other women grow and get ahead. Those women cannot do anything for you but disturb your peace. Be selective of who you choose to give your love, support and energy to, whereas some people can suck the life out of you .
Building a Tribe, a sisterhood has endless possibilities of Greatness. As women we posses so much power alone , but together we are Force that cant be moved , Sis !!
Why is that we, well most of us, go through Life missing opportunities simply because of the judgement of other people ? Of course we'd like to believe that we don't care what other people think and that their opinions don't matter, but it does...doesn't it ?
I'd like to think we become aware of judgment and insecurities roughly around the age of 13/ 14 years old . High-school years !!
It is here that we are told that we are not as dope as we once believed we were. For me , this was when i was realized people just didn't like me . At first I was confused which lead to anger and then seclusion. I stayed to myself a lot in high-school , which didn't help because somehow i still found myself a victim of the "mean-girl" crew . I'll be the first to say i was relieved when i graduated . i planned to never look back and i did just that.
But what if i or girls like me had someone to tell them that those "mean-girls" saw your magic way before you did??
Even now, at 28 years old , i still find myself being a loner because the term "friend" apparently has several meanings. The difference now is, im ok with being the outcast .
As women , we are associated with being messy, catty or just damn mean , and to be honest we are!! I have no idea why or how we posses so much "shade" ,even towards the people we love dearly. However i do know that once you realize who the fuck YOU ARE , others will too.!
Once you embrace your insecurities, "turning your scars into beauty marks"~ Ciara, Red Table Talk , The negative opinions of others no longer matters or exist in your world. People treat you how you allow them to treat you. It is your job to set the tone on what you will and will not allow.
For anybody who needs to hear this;
Sis, your are the shit! You posses every ounce of power to create the life you desire. You are smart enough to make the necessary decisions that makes your soul sing and your heart smile.
You Are Magic, Own That Shit !
Whew , I have had a journey with my hair. I'm one of those who always looks for ways to change my look. I get bored with things rather quickly and sometimes change is good , right ?
I stand in the mirror with a two month old sew-in and a pair of scissors. I was already frustrated because i knew what the future was holding. in the next 30 minutes i would have to figure out what to do with my hair. i proceed to cut the 26 inches of Brazilian wavy thread by thread , Snip ! and there goes a big chunk of my hair. "What the hell did i just do " I thought as i continued to finish the process. Finally , the Weave is out , my braids are out and there, right there in the middle of my head is a chunk of hair 4-5 inches shorter that the rest of my hair. Now , as a person who believes in timing and signs, i strongly felt it was time , time to cut the dead weight. I begin reflecting on my life up until that point. 23 years of complete drama , pain , hurt, betrayal , look my life growing up was a mess. Of course it wasn't all bad , but i was stuck on the things that made me who i was at the time , MEAN.
Snip, Snip , Snip ... tears filled my eyes as i cut away the only hair i knew, the chemically processed, the colored, the handful of gel I would use to create a sleek pony tail, was gone.!!
I had a baby afro , straight TWA ( teeny weeny afro)! Odly for some strange reason, I expected to feel better . I expected a new world to be before me ... I expected instant happiness.
"mom , i just cut my hair off, can you start my locs today please " .
headed to my mothers so many things were going on in my head . i had never had hair this short. I had never felt so ugly in my life. But i had to find beauty in this decision. I had to embrace it.
Once my starter locs were installed i felt a little better , but not "the better" i was looking for. Not "the better"' my soul was crying for. But, here i was on a loc journey and on a journey to find my happiness.
5 YEARS LOC'D
A lot had happened over the course of 5 years.
I went to esthetic school, became a licensed esthetician , and started a business.
After i got use to the starter locs. i embraced the hell out of them . i was in love. locs are commonly known to represent patience & commitment. When i say those were exactly the lessons i needed to learn and master. Patience was a quality i definitely did not posses. Commitment, well in my relationship that wasn't in issue for me. but personally it was ! I lacked commitment in life decisions which is why i was so unhappy circa 2012 and i didn't understand why until this journey. i learned so much about myself. I've accepted so many things about myself and i became in love, not just with my hair but with me . Trust me , nothing about this journey was easy . I still went through a lot . I still experienced a lot of hurt , a lot of self doubt.
"Your Crown is your antennas ...they connect to the spiritual realm as well as great receptors of receiving energy and intuition because it is the ever growing extension of your central nervous system." - unknown
Although i loved my locs, it was time for a change. With starting a business and the changes my family endure and was going through, i needed a change. A breath of fresh air. i felt all of my anxieties and insecurities were trapped inside my locs . I had learned my lessons, I was at an all time high off of self -love and appreciation. I felt great !! But when it came to my hair, It was Time. We ( my locs and i) had our fun ya know, we experimented with color, blonde, honey blonde, purple, turquoise, fuchsia, black, green ( that was an accident, smh) , autumn , and red. My locs introduced me to my sensual self. i felt so sexy . I loved the way my man grabbed them and ran his fingers through them. I felt connected to the Universe ... i was connected to ME. But still, they had to go .
i spent 1 month combing out my locs. i didn't want to cut them because i didn't feel like i needed that lesson again. I wanted to exercise the quality of commitment . i was committed to combing them out , and that was a journey within itself.
I am loc free and natural af!! i love my hair in its natural state. I had never worn my natural hair. i grew up on perms and hot combs. i never had a chance to embrace my curls, my fro, MY HAIR!
I am confident , I am secure, I am HAPPY and so is MY HAIR!