Whew , I have had a journey with my hair. I'm one of those who always looks for ways to change my look. I get bored with things rather quickly and sometimes change is good , right ?
I stand in the mirror with a two month old sew-in and a pair of scissors. I was already frustrated because i knew what the future was holding. in the next 30 minutes i would have to figure out what to do with my hair. i proceed to cut the 26 inches of Brazilian wavy thread by thread , Snip ! and there goes a big chunk of my hair. "What the hell did i just do " I thought as i continued to finish the process. Finally , the Weave is out , my braids are out and there, right there in the middle of my head is a chunk of hair 4-5 inches shorter that the rest of my hair. Now , as a person who believes in timing and signs, i strongly felt it was time , time to cut the dead weight. I begin reflecting on my life up until that point. 23 years of complete drama , pain , hurt, betrayal , look my life growing up was a mess. Of course it wasn't all bad , but i was stuck on the things that made me who i was at the time , MEAN.
Snip, Snip , Snip ... tears filled my eyes as i cut away the only hair i knew, the chemically processed, the colored, the handful of gel I would use to create a sleek pony tail, was gone.!!
I had a baby afro , straight TWA ( teeny weeny afro)! Odly for some strange reason, I expected to feel better . I expected a new world to be before me ... I expected instant happiness.
"mom , i just cut my hair off, can you start my locs today please " .
headed to my mothers so many things were going on in my head . i had never had hair this short. I had never felt so ugly in my life. But i had to find beauty in this decision. I had to embrace it.
Once my starter locs were installed i felt a little better , but not "the better" i was looking for. Not "the better"' my soul was crying for. But, here i was on a loc journey and on a journey to find my happiness.
5 YEARS LOC'D
A lot had happened over the course of 5 years.
I went to esthetic school, became a licensed esthetician , and started a business.
After i got use to the starter locs. i embraced the hell out of them . i was in love. locs are commonly known to represent patience & commitment. When i say those were exactly the lessons i needed to learn and master. Patience was a quality i definitely did not posses. Commitment, well in my relationship that wasn't in issue for me. but personally it was ! I lacked commitment in life decisions which is why i was so unhappy circa 2012 and i didn't understand why until this journey. i learned so much about myself. I've accepted so many things about myself and i became in love, not just with my hair but with me . Trust me , nothing about this journey was easy . I still went through a lot . I still experienced a lot of hurt , a lot of self doubt.
"Your Crown is your antennas ...they connect to the spiritual realm as well as great receptors of receiving energy and intuition because it is the ever growing extension of your central nervous system." - unknown
Although i loved my locs, it was time for a change. With starting a business and the changes my family endure and was going through, i needed a change. A breath of fresh air. i felt all of my anxieties and insecurities were trapped inside my locs . I had learned my lessons, I was at an all time high off of self -love and appreciation. I felt great !! But when it came to my hair, It was Time. We ( my locs and i) had our fun ya know, we experimented with color, blonde, honey blonde, purple, turquoise, fuchsia, black, green ( that was an accident, smh) , autumn , and red. My locs introduced me to my sensual self. i felt so sexy . I loved the way my man grabbed them and ran his fingers through them. I felt connected to the Universe ... i was connected to ME. But still, they had to go .
i spent 1 month combing out my locs. i didn't want to cut them because i didn't feel like i needed that lesson again. I wanted to exercise the quality of commitment . i was committed to combing them out , and that was a journey within itself.
I am loc free and natural af!! i love my hair in its natural state. I had never worn my natural hair. i grew up on perms and hot combs. i never had a chance to embrace my curls, my fro, MY HAIR!
I am confident , I am secure, I am HAPPY and so is MY HAIR!